“Growing up, I was blessed with what seemed to be a close-knit family. It was a known family rule to not disclose any private information that would cause anyone to see our family as less than perfect. My parents were always right and questioning authority was forbidden. I grew up in the average, American house hold. My dad worked while my mom stayed at home with me and my siblings. I never wanted to disappoint my parents and was often seen as ‘the perfect child’. My brothers always got in trouble so my sister and I were determined to be different. When you are a child everything seems to be so ‘perfect’; I saw my father as superman and as long as I minded my parents and became who they taught me to be, I would lead a perfect life. My parents always affirmed me of being beautiful and talented. Interestingly enough, my dad was always concerned about how he looked and my mom had a constant need to be admired by others, maintaining a perfect image for my dad. It seemed that the only time people were complimented in our extended family was if someone had lost weight. My siblings were all pretty fit, and even though I was athletic, I saw myself as ‘big’. It always seemed odd to me that my parents were always unhappy with how they looked and yet they would always affirm my qualities. Subsequently, I needed to be concerned with my appearance, striving to not only be perfect, but look perfect. Needless to say, I got mixed messages. My siblings and I cared about how we looked and what we wore because that was important to my parents.. However, I took it to the next level, struggling with an eating disorder. During my teen years, I experienced my first heartbreak from my first love. He broke a lot of promises. Heartbreak happens, but it was the aftermath of the heartbreak that negatively impacted me. It was so easy for him to toss me to the side and move on without looking back. How could someone do that? How could you have invested so much time into someone and leave them just like that? If I was so easily left behind, I must have been expendable; I must not have been worth fighting for. Therefore, I am expendable and not worth fighting for. This has created an avalanche effect over the years, proving to be true time and time again with relationships. Feelings buried alive never die. Heartache, betrayal, struggling with self-worth still reside in me. I am an adult child which simply means that there is a ‘wounded child’ living inside of me as an adult. Dr. Dan taught me that once you know what happened to you, you can then do something about it. He wants me to get better. He has shown me things that I did not want to see, and has told me things I did not want to hear. If it weren’t for him, I would be in a bad place. I have been working with Dr. Dan for two years. My journey has consisted of climbing up the ladder to complete wellness only to find myself voluntarily letting go at the top. Dr. Dan has addressed issues of self-value and betrayal, that have not only haunted me, but have intensified as I have grown older. As a way of coping, I have turned to mood alterers, also known as ’addictions’. A reoccurring eating disorder, shopping and coffee have helped me cope with disappointment, heartache, and even stress. ‘If I only had this….I would be fine.’ Dr. Dan has shown me that I have the gift of reasoning, to the point of threatening my health. He’s right. From past betrayal and this undying need to be ‘perfect‘, I have used a false sense of self to survive. Dr. Dan is helping me take off this mask that I have been hiding behind, helping me find my true self and getting healthy. I have a second chance at life. This is not about adding quantity to my life, it’s about adding quality.”
Ashley, 24, IN